Etiquette

For years we Americans have swarmed over the face of the world, taking it for granted that the earth's surface belongs to us because we can pay for it, and it is rather worse than ever since the war, when the advantages of exchange add bitterness to irritation.

And yet there are many who are highly indignant when told that, as a type, we are not at all admired abroad. Instead of being indignant, how much simpler and better it would be to make ourselves admirable, especially since it is those who most lack cultivation who are most indignant. The very well-bred may be mortified and abashed, but they can't be indignant except with their fellow countrymen who by their shocking behavior make Europe's criticism just.

Understanding of, and kind-hearted consideration for the feelings of others are the basic attributes of good manners. Without observation, understanding is impossible—even in our own country where the attitude of our neighbors is much the same as our own. It is not hard to appreciate, therefore, that to understand the point of view of people entirely foreign to ourselves, requires intuitive perception as well as cultivation in a very high degree.

It is only in musical comedy that one can go into a strange city and be picked out of the crowd and invited to the tables of the high of the land, because one looks as though one might be agreeable! To see anything of society in the actual world it is necessary to have friends, either Americans living or "stationed" or married abroad; or to take letters of introduction. Taking letters of introduction should never be done carelessly, because of the obligation that they impose. But to go to a strange country and see nothing of its social life, is like a blind person's going to the theater, and the only way a stranger can know people is through the letters he brings.

Under ordinary circumstances no knowledge whatsoever beyond the social amenities the world over are necessary. A dinner abroad is exactly the same as one here. You enter a room, you bow, you shake hands, you say, "How do you do." You sit at table, you talk of impersonal things, say "Good-by" and "Thank you" to your hostess, and you leave.

"I'm not sure that I know! Why should I call them at all?" which was a perfectly sensible answer. One never says anything but "you" to the person spoken to; and it might be an excellent thing not to know how to speak about anyone with a title, as it would prevent one's mentioning them.

Having gone into the subject thus far, however, it may be added that if at a dinner you are put next to a Duke, if it is necessary to call him anything except "you," you would say "Duke." Unless you are waiting on the table instead of sitting at it, you would not say, "Your Grace" and not even then "My Lord Duke." Neither, unless you are a valet or a chambermaid, would you say "Your Lordship" to an Earl! If you are a lady, you call him "Lord Arlington." If you know him really well, you call him "Arlington." To a knight you say, "Sir Arthur," which sounds familiar, but there is nothing else you can call him.

In England a stranger is not supposed to introduce anyone, so that titles of address are not necessary then either; but if you happen to be the hostess and French or Americans are present, who like introductions, you introduce Sir Arthur Dryden to the Duke and Duchess of Overthere, or to Prince and Princess Capri. In talking to her, the latter would be called "Princess" and her husband "Prince Capri" or "Prince" or by those who know him well, "Capri."

Frequently American men are presented at the British Court at levees held by the King for the purpose. Such men are of course distinguished citizens who have been in some branch of public service, or who have contributed something to art, science, history or progress.

It is absolutely necessary that such a candidate take letters of introduction to the American Ambassador,[C] or Minister if in a country where we have a Legation instead of an Embassy. She would enclose her letters in a note to the Ambassadress asking that her name be put on the list for presentation. The propriety of this request is a very difficult subject to advise upon, in that it is better that the suggestion come from the Ambassador rather than from oneself. It is, however, perfectly permissible for one whose presentation is appropriate, but who may perhaps not know the Ambassador or his wife personally, to do as suggested above. It must also be remembered that rarely more than three or perhaps five persons are presented at any one time, so that the difficulty of obtaining a place on the list is obvious.

An American lady is presented by the American Ambassadress (or the wife of the American Minister) or by the wife of the Chargé d'Affaires if the Ambassadress be absent; or occasionally by the Doyenne of the diplomatic corps at the request of the American Embassy.

It would be futile to attempt giving details of full court dress or especial details of etiquette, as these vary not alone with countries, but with time! If you are about to be presented, you will surely be told all that is necessary by the person presenting you. These details, after all, merely comprise the exact length of train or other particulars of dress, the hour you are to be at such and such a door, where you are to stand, and how many curtsies or bows you are to make. In all other and essential particulars you behave as you would in any and every circumstance of formality. In general outline, however, it would be safe to say that on the day of the ceremony you drive to the Palace at a specified hour, wearing specified clothes and carrying your card of invitation in your hand. Your wraps are left in the carriage (or motor-car), you enter the Palace and are shown into a room where you wait, and wait and WAIT! until at last you are admitted to the Audience Chamber where you approach the receiving Royalties; you curtsy deeply before them and then back out.

If you are spoken to at length, you answer as under any other circumstances, exactly as a polite child answers his elders. You do not speak unless spoken to. If your answer is long you need say nothing except the answer; if short, you add "Sir" to the King and "Madam" to the Queen. This seemingly democratic title is as a matter of fact the correct one for all Royalty. "Yes, sir." "Very much indeed, Madam." "I think so, Madam."