IV.—The Marriage Festivities.
Project Gutenberg EPUB3 edition
Hughes, Thomas Patrick
Nikāḥ is preceded and followed by festive rejoicings which have been variously described by Oriental travellers, but they are not parts of either the civil or religious ceremonies.
The following account of a shādī or wedding in Hindustan is abridged (with some correction) from Mrs. Meer Hasan Alī’s Musalmāns of India.
The marriage ceremony usually occupies three days and three nights. The day being fixed, the mother of the bride actively employs the intervening time in finishing her preparations for the young lady’s departure from the paternal roof with suitable articles, which might prove the bride was not sent forth to her new family without proper provision: A silver-gilt bedstead with the necessary furniture; a silver pawn-dān, shaped very like an English spice-box; a chillumchi or wash-hand basin; a lota or water-jug, resembling an old-fashioned coffee-pot; a silver luggun, or spittoon; a surai, or water-bottle; silver basins for water; several dozens of copper pots, plates, and spoons for cooking; dishes, plates and platters in endless variety; and numerous other articles needful for housekeeping, including a looking-glass for the bride’s toilette, masnads, cushions, and carpets.
On the first day the ladies’ apartments of both houses are completely filled with visitors of all grades, from the wives and mothers of noblemen, down to the humblest acquaintance of the family, and to do honour to the hostess, the guests appear in their best attire and most valuable ornaments. The poor bride is kept in strict confinement in a dark closet or room during the whole three days’ merriment, whilst the happy bridegroom is the most prominent person in the assembly of the males, where amusements are contrived to please and divert him, the whole party vying in personal attentions to him. The ladies are occupied in conversations and merriment, and amused with native songs and music of the domnis, smoking the ḥuqqah, eating pawn, dinner, &c. Company is their delight and time passes pleasantly with them in such an assembly.
The second day is one of bustle and preparation in the bride’s home; it is spent in arranging the various articles that are to accompany the bride’s mayndī or ḥinnāʾ (the Lawsonia inermis), which is forwarded in the evening to the bridegroom’s house with great parade. The herb mayndī or ḥinnāʾ is in general request amongst the natives of India, for the purpose of dyeing the hands and feet; and is considered by them an indispensable article to their comfort, keeping those members cool, and a great ornament to the person. Long established custom obliges the bride to send mayndī on the second night of the nuptials to the bridegroom; and to make the event more conspicuous, presents proportioned to the means of the party accompany the trays of prepared mayndī.
The female friends of the bride’s family attend the procession in covered conveyances, and the male guests on horses, elephants, and in palkies; trains of servants and bands of music swell the procession (amongst persons of distinction) to a magnitude inconceivable to those who have not visited the large native cities of India.
Amongst the bride’s presents with mayndī may be noticed everything requisite for a full-dress suit for the bridegroom, and the etceteras of his toilette; confectionery, dried fruits, preserves, the prepared pawns, and a multitude of trifles too tedious to enumerate, but which are nevertheless esteemed luxuries with the native young people, and are considered essential to the occasion. One thing I must not omit, the sugar-candy, which forms the source of amusement when the bridegroom is under the dominion of the females in his mother’s zanānah. The fireworks sent with the presents are concealed in flowers formed of the transparent uberuck; these flowers are set out in frames, and represent beds of flowers in their varied forms and colours; these in their number and gay appearance have a pretty effect in the procession, interspersed with the trays containing the dresses, &c. All the trays are first covered with basketwork raised in domes, and over these are thrown draperies of broad-cloth, gold cloth, and brocade, neatly fringed in bright colours.
The mayndī procession having reached the bridegroom’s house, bustle and excitement pervade through every department of the mansion. The gentlemen are introduced to the father’s hall; the ladies to the youth’s mother, who in all possible state is prepared to receive the bride’s friends.
The ladies crowd into the centre hall to witness, through the blinds of bamboo, the important process of dressing the bridegroom in his bride’s presents. The centre purdah is let down, in which are openings to admit the hands and feet; and close to this purdah a low stool is placed. When all these preliminary preparations are made, and the ladies securely under cover, notice is sent to the male assembly that “the bridegroom is wanted”; and he then enters the zanānah courtyard, amidst the deafening sounds of trumpets and drums from without, and a serenade from the female singers within. He seats himself on the stool placed for him close to the purdah, and obeys the several commands he receives from the hidden females, with childlike docility. The moist mayndī is then tied on with bandages by hands he cannot see, and, if time admits, one hour is requisite to fix the dye bright and permanent on the hands and feet. During this delay, the hour is passed in lively dialogues with the several purdahed dames, who have all the advantages of seeing though themselves unseen; the singers occasionally lauding his praise in extempore strains, after describing the loveliness of his bride (whom they know nothing about), and foretelling the happiness which awaits him in his marriage, but which, in the lottery, may perhaps prove a blank.
The sugar-candy, broken into small lumps, is presented by the ladies whilst his hands and feet are fast bound in the bandages of mayndī; but as he cannot help himself, and it is an omen of good to eat the bride’s sweets at this ceremony, they are sure he will try to catch the morsels which they present to his mouth and then draw back, teasing the youth with their banterings, until at last he may successfully snap at the candy, and seize the fingers also with the dainty, to the general amusement of the whole party and the youth’s entire satisfaction.
The mayndī supposed to have done its duty the bandages are removed, the old nurse of his infancy (always retained for life), assists him with water to wash off the leaves, dries his feet and hands, rubs him with perfumes, and robes him in his bride’s presents. Thus attired, he takes leave of his tormentors, sends respectful messages to his bride’s family, and bows his way from their guardianship to the male apartment, where he is greeted by a flourish of trumpets and the congratulations of the guests, many of whom make him presents and embrace him cordially.
The dinner is introduced at twelve, amongst the bridegroom’s guests, and the night passed in good-humoured conviviality, although the strongest beverage at the feast consists of sugar and water sherbet. The dancing-women’s performances, the displays of fireworks, the dinner, pawn, and ḥuqqah, form the chief amusements of the night, and they break up only when the dawn of morning approaches.
The bride’s female friends take sherbet and pawn after the bridegroom’s departure from the zanānah, after which they hasten away to the bride’s assembly, to detail the whole business of their mission.
BRINGING HOME THE BRIDE IN AFGHANISTAN. (A. F. Hole.)
The third day, the eventful barāt, arrives to awaken in the heart of a tender mother all the good feelings of fond affection; she is, perhaps, about to part with the great solace of her life under many domestic trials; at any rate, she transfers her beloved child to another protection. All marriages are not equally happy in their termination; it is a lottery, a fate, in the good mother’s calculation. Her darling child may be the favoured of Heaven, for which she prays; she may be however, the miserable first wife of a licentious pluralist; nothing is certain, but she will strive to trust in God’s mercy, that the event prove a happy one to her dearly-loved girl.
The young bride is in close confinement during the days of celebrating her nuptials; on the third, she is tormented with the preparations for her departure. The mayndī must be applied to her hands and feet, the formidable operations of bathing, drying her hair, oiling and dressing her head, dyeing her lips, gums, and teeth with antimony, fixing on her the wedding ornaments, the nose-ring presented by her husband’s family; the many rings to be placed on her fingers and toes, the rings fixed in her ears, are all so many new trials to her, which though a complication of inconvenience, she cannot venture to murmur at, and therefore submits to with the passive weakness of a lamb.
Towards the close of the evening, all these preparations being fulfilled, the marriage portion is set in order to accompany the bride. The guests make their own amusements for the day; the mother is too much occupied with her daughter’s affairs to give much of her time or attention to them; nor do they expect it, for they all know by experience the nature of a mother’s duties at such an interesting period.
The bridegroom’s house is nearly in the same state of bustle as the bride’s, though of a very different description, as the preparing for the reception of a bride is an event of vast importance in the opinion of a Musalman. The gentlemen assemble in the evening, and are regaled with sherbet and the ḥuqqah, and entertained with the nauch-singing and fireworks, until the appointed hour for setting out in the procession to fetch the bride to her new home.
The procession is on a grand scale; every friend or acquaintance, together with their elephants, are pressed into the service of the bridegroom on this night of Barāt. The young man himself is mounted on a handsome charger, the legs, tail, and mane of which are dyed with mayndī, whilst the ornamental furniture of the horse is splendid with spangles and embroidery. The dress of the bridegroom is of gold cloth, richly trimmed, with a turban to correspond, to the top of which is fastened an immense bunch of silver trimming, that falls over his face to his waist, and answers the purpose of a veil (this is in strict keeping with the Hindu custom at their marriage processions). A select few of the females from the bridegroom’s house attend in his train to bring home the bride, accompanied by innumerable torches, with bands of music, soldiers, and servants, to give effect to the procession. On their arrival at the gate of the bride’s residence, the gentlemen are introduced to the father’s apartments, where fire-works, music, and singing, occupy their time and attention until the hour for departure arrives.
The marriage ceremony is performed in the presence of witnesses, although the bride is not seen by any of the males at the time, not even by her husband, until they have been lawfully united according to the common form.
The Maulawī commences by calling on the young maiden by name, to answer to his demand, “Is it by your own consent this marriage takes place with ——?” naming the person who is the bridegroom; the bride answers, “It is by my consent.” The Maulawī then explains the law of Muḥammad, and reads a certain chapter from that portion of the Qurʾān which binds the parties in holy wedlock. He then turns to the young man, and asks him to name the sum he proposes as his wife’s dowry. The bridegroom thus called upon, names ten, twenty, or, perhaps, a hundred lacs of rupees; the Maulawī repeats to all present the amount proposed, and then prays that the young couple thus united may be blessed in this world and in eternity. All the gentleman then retire except the bridegroom, who is delayed entering the hall until the bride’s guests have retreated into the side rooms; as soon as this is accomplished he is introduced into the presence of his mother-in-law and her daughter by the women servants. He studiously avoids looking up as he enters the hall, because, according to the custom of this people, he must first see his wife’s face in a looking-glass, which is placed before the young couple, when he is seated on the masnad by his bride. Happy for him if he then beholds a face that bespeaks the gentle being he hopes Fate has destined to make him happy. If otherwise, he must submit; there is no untying the sacred contract.
Many absurd customs follow this first introduction of the bride and bridegroom. When the procession is all formed, the goods and chattels of the bride are loaded on the heads of the carriers; the bridegroom conveys his young wife in his arms to the covered palankeen, which is in readiness within the court, and the procession moves off in grand style, with a perpetual din of noisy music, until they arrive at the bridegroom’s mansion.
The poor mother has, perhaps, had many struggles with her own heart to save her daughter’s feelings during the preparation for departure; but when the separation takes place, the scene is affecting beyond description. I never witnessed anything equal to it in other societies; indeed, so powerfully are the feelings of the mother excited, that she rarely acquires her usual composure until her daughter is allowed to revisit her, which is generally within a week after her marriage. (See Mrs. Meer Hasan Alī’s Indian Musalmāns, vol. i. p. 46.)
The above description of a wedding in India has been selected as representative of such ceremonies; but there is no uniform custom of celebrating Muslim nuptials, the nuptial ceremonies in Afghanistan being much more simple in their character, as will be seen by the illustration given on the preceding page.
Mr. Lane, in his Modern Egyptians, gives the following interesting account of a wedding in Egypt:—
“Marriages in Cairo are generally conducted, in the case of a virgin, in the following manner; but in that of a widow, or a divorced woman, with little ceremony. Most commonly, the mother, or some other near female relation, of the youth or man who is desirous of obtaining a wife, describes to him the personal and other qualifications of the young women with whom she is acquainted, and directs his choice; or he employs a ‘khatʾbeh,’ or ‘khatibeh’ (k͟hāt̤ibah), a woman whose regular business it is to assist men in such cases. Sometimes two or more women of this profession are employed. A khatʾbeh gives her report confidentially, describing one girl as being like a gazelle, pretty and elegant and young; and another as not pretty, but rich, and so forth. If the man have a mother and other near female relations, two or three of these usually go with a khatʾbeh to pay visits to several hareems, to which she has access in her professional character of a match-maker; for she is employed as much by the women as the men. She sometimes, also, exercises the trade of a ‘dellaleh’ (or broker), for the sale of ornaments, clothing, &c., which procures her admission into almost every hareem.
The women who accompany her in search of a wife for their relation, are introduced to the different hareems merely as ordinary visitors; and as such, if disappointed, they soon take their leave, though the object of their visit is, of course, well understood by the other party; but if they find among the females of a family (and they are sure to see all who are marriageable) a girl or young woman having the necessary personal qualifications, they state the motives of their visit, and ask, if the proposed match be not at once disapproved of, what property, ornaments, &c., the objects of their wishes may possess. If the father of the intended bride be dead, she may perhaps possess one or more houses, shops, &c.; and in almost every case, a marriageable girl of the middle or higher ranks has a set of ornaments of gold and jewels. The women visitors, having asked these and other questions, bring their report to the expectant youth or man. If satisfied with their report, he gives a present to the khatʾbeh, and sends her again to the family of his intended wife, to make known to them his wishes. She generally gives an exaggerated description of his personal attractions, wealth, &c.
For instance, she will say of a very ordinary young man, of scarcely any property, and of whose disposition she knows nothing, ‘My daughter, the youth who wishes to marry you is young, graceful, elegant, beardless, has plenty of money, dresses handsomely, is fond of delicacies, but cannot enjoy his luxuries alone; he wants you as his companion; he will give you everything that money can procure; he is a stayer at home, and will spend his whole time with you, caressing and fondling you.’
“The parents may betroth their daughter to whom they please, and marry her to him without her consent, if she be not arrived at the age of puberty; but after she has attained that age, she may choose a husband for herself, and appoint any man to arrange and effect her marriage. In the former case, however, the khatʾbeh and the relations of a girl sought in marriage usually endeavour to obtain her consent to the proposed union. Very often a father objects to giving a daughter in marriage to a man who is not of the same profession or trade as himself; and to marrying a younger daughter before an elder! The bridegroom can scarcely ever obtain even a surreptitious glance at the features of his bride, until he finds her in his absolute possession, unless she belong to the lower classes of society; in which case it is easy enough for him to see her face.
“When a female is about to marry, she should have a ‘wekeel’ (wakīl, or deputy), to settle the compact and conclude the contract, for her, with her proposed husband. If she be under the age of puberty, this is absolutely necessary; and in this case, her father, if living, or (if he be dead) her nearest adult male relation, or a guardian appointed by will, or by the Kadee, performs the office of wekeel; but if she be of age, she appoints her own wekeel, or may even make the contract herself; though this is seldom done.
“After a youth or man has made choice of a female to demand in marriage, on the report of his female relations, or that of the khatʾbeh, and, by proxy, made the preliminary arrangements before described with her and her relations in the hareem, he repairs with two or three of his friends to her wekeel. Having obtained the wekeel’s consent to the union, if the intended bride be under age, he asks what is the amount of the required mahr (or dowry).
“The giving of a dowry is indispensable. The usual amount of the dowry, if the parties be in possession of a moderately good income, is about a thousand riyals (or twenty-two pounds ten shillings); or, sometimes, not more than half that sum. The wealthy calculate the dowry in purses, of five hundred piasters (about five pounds sterling) each; and fix its amount at ten purses or more.
“It must be borne in mind that we are considering the case of a virgin bride; the dowry of a widow or divorced woman is much less. In settling the amount of the dowry, as in other pecuniary transactions, a little haggling frequently takes place; if a thousand riyals be demanded through the wekeel, the party of the intended bridegroom will probably make an offer of six hundred; the former party then gradually lowering the demand, and the other increasing the offer, they at length agree to fix it at eight hundred. It is generally stipulated that two-thirds of the dowry shall be paid immediately before the marriage-contract is made; and the remaining third held in reserve, to be paid to the wife in case of divorcing her against her own consent, or in case of the husband’s death.
“This affair being settled, and confirmed by all persons present reciting the opening chapter of the Kuran (the Fatʾhah), an early day (perhaps the day next following) is appointed for paying the money, and performing the ceremony of the marriage-contract, which is properly called ‘akd en-nikah’ (ʿaqdu ʾn-nikāḥ). The making this contract is commonly called ‘ketb el-kitáb’ (katbu ʾl-kitāb, or the writing of the writ); but it is very seldom the case that any document is written to confirm the marriage, unless the bridegroom is about to travel to another place, and fears that he may have occasion to prove his marriage where witnesses of the contract cannot be procured. Sometimes the marriage-contract is concluded immediately after the arrangement respecting the dowry, but more generally a day or two after.
“On the day appointed for this ceremony, the bridegroom, again accompanied by two or three of his friends, goes to the house of his bride, usually about noon, taking with him that portion of the dowry which he has promised to pay on this occasion. He and his companions are received by the bride’s wekeel, and two or more friends of the latter are usually present. It is necessary that there be two witnesses (and those must be Muslims) to the marriage-contract, unless in a situation where witnesses cannot be procured. All persons present recite the Fatʾhah; and the bridegroom then pays the money. After this, the marriage-contract is performed. It is very simple. The bridegroom and the bride’s wekeel sit upon the ground, face to face, with one knee upon the ground, and grasp each other’s right hand, raising the thumbs, and pressing them against each other. A ‘fekeeh’ (faqīh) is generally employed to instruct them what they are to say. Having placed a handkerchief over their joined hands, he usually prefaces the words of the contract with a khutbeh (k͟hut̤bah), consisting of a few words of exhortation and prayer, with quotations from the Kuran and Traditions, on the excellence and advantages of marriage.
He then desires the bride’s wekeel to say, ‘I betroth (or marry) to thee my daughter (or the female who has appointed me her wekeel), such a one (naming the bride), the virgin [or the adult], for a dowry of such an amount.’ (The words ‘for a dowry,’ &c., are sometimes omitted.) The bride’s wekeel having said this, the bridegroom says, ‘I accept from thee her betrothal [or marriage] to myself, and take her under my care, and myself to afford her my protection; and ye who are present bear witness of this.’ The wekeel addresses the bridegroom in the same manner a second and a third time; and each time, the latter replies as before. Both then generally add, ‘And blessing be on the Apostles: and praise be to God, the Lord of the beings of the whole world. Amen.’ After which all present again repeat the Fatʾhah. It is not always the same form of khutbeh that is recited on these occasions; any form may be used, and it may be repeated by any person; it is not even necessary, and is often altogether omitted.
“The contract concluded, the bridegroom sometimes (but seldom, unless he be a person of the lower orders) kisses the hands of his friends and others there present; and they are presented with sharbat, and generally remain to dinner. Each of them receives an embroidered handkerchief, provided by the family of the bride; except the fekeeh, who receives a similar handkerchief, with a small gold coin tied up in it, from the bridegroom. Before the persons assembled on this occasion disperse, they settle when the ‘leylet ed-dakhleh’ is to be. This is the night when the bride is brought to the house of the bridegroom, and the latter, for the first time, visits her.
“The bridegroom should receive his bride on the eve of Friday, or that of Monday; but the former is generally esteemed the more fortunate period. Let us say, for instance, that the bride is to be conducted to him on the eve of Friday.
“During two or three or more preceding nights, the street or quarter in which the bridegroom lives is illuminated with chandeliers and lanterns, or with lanterns and small lamps, some suspended from cords drawn across from the bridegroom’s and several other houses on each side to the houses opposite; and several small silk flags, each of two colours, generally red and green, are attached to these or other cords.
“An entertainment is also given on each of these nights, particularly on the last night before that on which the wedding is concluded, at the bridegroom’s house. On these occasions, it is customary for the persons invited, and for all intimate friends, to send presents to his house, a day or two before the feast which they purpose or expect to attend. They generally send sugar, coffee, rice, wax candles, or a lamb. The former articles are usually placed upon a tray of copper or wood, and covered with a silk or embroidered kerchief. The guests are entertained on these occasions by musicians and male or female singers, by dancing girls, or by the performance of a ‘khatmeh’ (k͟hatmah), or a ‘zikr’ (ẕikr).