SECOND MEDITATION On One’s Own Sins
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Ignatius, of Loyola, Saint and Coppens, Charles
It is well to remark here that, 1. The fact that St. Peter was forgiven did not prevent him from mourning for his sin all the rest of his life; 2. Many persons repine excessively under afflictions because they forget that they have deserved much worse by their sins; 3. The Saints mortified themselves severely for small faults; 4. This meditation is congenial to humble souls, like the Publican, but painful to the Pharisee; 5. The least we can do is to detest our sins heartily and to atone for them.
1st Prelude. Imagine you stand before God like the humble Publican, saying: “O God, have mercy on me, a sinner.”
2nd Prelude. Beg for an intense grief and confusion for your sins.
POINT I. Briefly recall to memory the series of your sins, from your early years, through childhood, boyhood, youth, through subsequent periods of your life, noticing successive places of abode, various occupations, companions, etc.
POINT II. Study to understand the evil of your sins, considering:
1. Every species of sin has its own peculiar vileness; for instance, lying is so odious that its very name is offensive, stealing is still worse, so that one caught in a theft is disgraced for life, gluttony is disgraceful, pride is odious to God and man, envy is mean, profanity is provoking to the great and holy God, deceit is despicable, vanity is ridiculous, impurity lowers a man beneath the brute, etc.
2. Every sin is an insult to God. When a person insults his equal, he incurs his displeasure and deserves punishment; more so when he insults his superior; and the offense is the greater in proportion as the party insulted is more distinguished and the offender lower in comparison. Now consider how great is God, who is insulted, compared to man, who insults Him:
a. The meanness of man. What is one man compared to a thousand men, to a thousand thousand, or million men? Like a little gnat flitting in the sunshine. And what are a million men compared to the one thousand five hundred millions of men now inhabiting the earth? And what are all these together compared to all the former and the future generations? And what are all men compared to the Angels of God?
And what are all creatures compared to the Creator Himself? Less than a drop of water compared to the vast ocean. What then am I compared to God? And yet, if I have ever sinned, I have put myself above God, my will above His will. If then I have often sinned, what punishment have I not deserved?
b. See the meanness of the body of man, which corrupts all it uses, and needs constant care to keep it from becoming insupportable, even to itself. See how death degrades it, how even sickness degrades it. And the soul of man: see how it is ever inclined to conceive and foster evil thoughts and desires, how it prompts to evil words and actions; so that St. Ignatius, who had been a proud soldier, when he came to know himself better, looked on himself as a running ulcer flowing with corruption. And yet in sinning, this vile being, man, rises up to insult God.
c. On the other hand consider the greatness of God, by comparison with the littleness of man: compare His power with man’s weakness, His knowledge with man’s ignorance, His eternity with man’s short span of life, His bounty with man’s selfishness, etc.
POINT III. I will arouse my will to detest my sinfulness, indignant against myself, and wondering that God continues to bear with me, to favor me, to have His Angels protect me, the earth support me; and He forbids all men to injure me, commands them to love me.
Colloquy with my crucified Lord, begging His mercy and His pardon.