CHAPTER XXXV. MEDITATION ON BRAHMA IN ONE’S SELF.
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Valmiki and Mitra, Viharilala
40. Let pleasure or pain betake or forsake me as it may, without my being concerned with or taking heed of either; because I know the fluctuating desires, to be incessantly rising and setting in the sphere of my mind.
41. Let these desires depart from me, for I have nothing to do with them, nor have they any concern with me. Alas! how have I been all this time, misled to these by ignorance, which is my greatest enemy.
42. It is by favour of Vishnu, and by virtue of my pure Vaishnava faith, rising in me of itself, that my ignorance is now wholly dispelled from me, and the knowledge of the True One is revealed unto me.
43. My knowledge of truth has now driven away my egoism (or knowledge of myself) from my mind; as they drive a spirit from its hiding-place in the hollow of a tree.
44. I am now purified by admonition (mantra) of divine knowledge to me, and the arbour of my body is now set free from egoism, which sat as a demon (Yaksha) in it.
45. It is now become as a sacred arbour, blooming with heavenly flowers; and freed from the evils of ignorance, penury, and vain wishes, which infested it erewhile.
46. Loaded with the treasure of sacred knowledge, I find myself sitting here as one supremely-rich; and knowing all that is to be known, I see the sights that are invisible to others.
47. I have now got that in which nothing can be wanting, and wherein there is no want besides; it is by my good fortune that I am freed from all evils, and the venomous serpents of worldly cares.
48. My chill and frigid ignorance is melted down, by the light of knowledge; and the hot mirage of my desires, is now quenched and cooled by my quietude: I see the clear sky on all sides without any mist or dust and I rest under the cooling umbrage of the tranquility of my soul.
49. It is by my glorification of God, and my thanksgivings to Vishnu, my holy rites and also by my divine knowledge and quietism; that I have obtained by grace of my God, a spacious room and elevated position in spirituality.
50. I have got that god in my spirit, and have seen and known him also in his spiritual form. He is beyond my own ego, and I remember him always in this manner.
51. I remember Vishnu as the great Spirit, and eternal Brahma in his nature; while my egoism or selfishness is confined as a snake, in the holes of my organic frame, which is wholly the land of death. (The animal soul is born to die with the mortal body).
52. It is entangled in the bushes of its pricking desires, resembling the prickly karanja ferns; and amidst the tumults of raging passions, and a thousand other broils of this world.
53. It is placed amidst the conflagration of calamities, and is encircled by the flames of smart pain at all times; it is subjected to continual ups and downs of fortune, and repeated risings and fallings in its journey in this world.
54. It has its repeated births and deaths, owing to its interminable desires; and thus I am always deceived by this great enemy—my own egoism.
55. The animal soul is powerless at night, as if it were caught in the clutches of a demon in the forest; so I feel it now to be deprived of its power and action, while I am in this state of my meditation. (The animal spirit is dormant in its states of physical and spiritual trance).
56. It is by grace of Vishnu, that the light of my understanding is roused; and as I see my God by means of this light, I lose the sight of my demoniac egoism (i.e. I become unconscious of my existence at the sight of my Lord).
57. The sight of the demoniac egoism dwelling in the cavity of my mind, disappears from my view in the like manner; as the shadow of darkness flies from the light of a lamp, and as the shade of night is dispersed by day light.
58. As you know not where the flame of the lighted lamp is fled, after it is extinguished; so we know not where our lordly egoism is hid, at the sight of our God before us.
59. My rich egoism flies at the approach of reason, as a heavy loaded robber, flies before the advance of day light; and our false egoism vanishes as a demon, at the rising of the true Ego of God.
60. My egoism being gone, I am set at ease like a tree, freed from a poisonous snake rankling in its hollow cavity. I am at rest and in my insensibleness in this world, when I am awakened to my spiritual light.
61. I have escaped from the hand of my captor, and gained my permanent ascendency over others; I have got my internal coldness sang froid, and have allayed the mirage of my thirst after vain glory.
62. I have bathed in the cold bath of rain water, and am pacified as a rock after the cooling of its conflagration; I am cleansed of my egoism, by my knowledge of the true meaning of the term.
63. What is ignorance and what are our pains and affliction? what are our evil desires, and what are our diseases and dangers? All these with the ideas of heaven and liberation, together with the hope of heaven and the fear of hell, are but false conceptions proceeding from our egoism or selfishness (or the cravings and loathings of our hearts).
64. As a picture is drawn on a canvas and not in empty air, so our thoughts depend on our selfish principle and upon its want. And as it is the clear linen, that receives the yellow colour of saffron; so it is the pure soul that receives the image of God. It is egoism which vitiates the soul with the bilious passions of the heart, as a dirty cloth vitiates a goodly paint, with its inborn taint.
65. Purity of the inward soul, is like the clearness of the autumnal sky; it is devoid of the cloudiness of egoism, and the drizzling drops of desires. (i.e. A pure soul is as clear as the unclouded sky).
66. I bow down to thee, O my soul inmost! that art a stream of bliss to me, with pure limpid waters amidst, and without the dirt of egoism about thee.
67. I hail thee, O thou my soul! that art an ocean of joy to me, uninfested by the sharks of sensual appetites, and undisturbed by the submarine fire of the latent mind.
68. I prostrate myself before thee, O thou quick soul of mine! that art a mountain of delight to me, without the hovering clouds of egoistic passions, and the wild fires of gross appetites and desires.
69. I bow to thee, O thou soul in me! that art the heavenly lake of Manas to me, with the blooming lotuses of delight, and without the billows of cares and anxieties.
70. I greet thee my internal spirit! that floatest in the shape of a swan (hansa) in the lake of the mind (manas) of every individual, and residest in the cavity of the lotiform cranium (Brahmárandhra), with thy outstretched wings of consciousness and standing.
71. All hail to thee, O thou full and perfect spirit! that art the undivided and immortal soul, and appearest in thy several parts of the mind and senses; like the full-moon containing all its digits in its entire self.
72. Obeisance to the sun of my intellect! which is always in its ascendency and dispels the darkness of my heart; which pervades everywhere, and is yet invisible or dimly seen by us.
73. I bow to my intellectual light, which is an oilless lamp of benign effulgence, and burns in full blaze within me and without its wick. It is the enlightener of nature, and quite still in its nature.
74. Whenever my mind is heated by cupid’s fire, I cool it by the coolness of my cold and callous intellect coolness; as they temper the red-hot iron with a cold and hard hammer.
75. I am gaining my victory over all things, by killing my egoism by the Great Ego; and by making my senses and mind to destroy themselves.
76. I bow to thee, O thou all subduing faith, that dost crush our ignorant doubt by thy wisdom; dispellest the unrealities by thy knowledge of the reality, and removest our cravings by thy contentedness.
77. I subsist solely as the transparent spirit, by killing my mind by the great Mind, and removing my egoism by the sole Ego, and by driving the unrealities by the true Reality.
78. I rely my body (i.e. I depend for my bodily existence), on the moving principle of my soul only; without the consciousness of my self existence, my egoism, my mind and all its efforts and actions.
79. I have obtained at last of its own accord, and by the infinite grace of the Lord of all, the highest blessing of cold heartedness and insouciance in myself.