THE FIRST MEDITATION A Preparation for Death
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Ignatius, of Loyola, Saint and Coppens, Charles
1st Prelude. A captain of infantry had been ordered by his general to lead his company at the first dawn of light the next morning up a neighboring hill where the enemy had just planted a masked battery. To spend the intervening night he had a log cabin allotted him. He felt it was a dangerous task assigned him, as he was likely to be shot while ascending the hill at the head of his men. Yet he faltered not, for he was brave. But before lying down to rest, he lit a candle, pulled out his prayer book, and knelt down to prepare himself for a good death.
Imagine that God gives you the present hour to prepare for your own approaching death.
2nd Prelude. O Lord: give me the grace of making to-day a thoroughly good preparation for death.
POINT I.It is absolutely certain that I shall die, it is only a matter of more or less delay; “It is appointed unto men once to die” (Hebr. ix, 27). “Dust thou art and into dust thou shalt return” is the sentence pronounced on me, as on all men. No sensible man doubts this, yet many try to forget it, and live as if the sentence were not for them. O my Lord God! I will not be so foolish; and I accept with humility the sentence of death. I have deserved it, and I will suffer it in punishment and expiation of my sins.
POINT II.All the circumstances of my death are very uncertain. 1. The time. No one but God can assure me of another day of life. Many are at this moment in vigorous health who will be dead to-morrow. I may be one of them: “If thou shalt not watch, I will come to thee as a thief, and thou shalt not know at what hour I shall come to thee” (Apoc. iii, 3). A thief comes when least expected. Many are sick for a time and yet expire suddenly before they realize their danger. Even many of the Saints were called away in the middle of their most important careers: St. Francis Xavier when on the point of entering China, St. Thomas Aquinas before he could finish his Summa of Universal Theology, St. Bonaventure during the General Council of Lyons, etc. Am I ready? Was I ready at any hour of last year?
2. The place may be anywhere; we cannot find a spot secure against the shafts of death.
3. The manner; It may be sudden, whether from a latent disease which we never suspected, or from any of the multitudinous accidents so common in the modern rush of life.
Or it may be preceded by weeks of suffering in an unconscious or semi-conscious condition. Even when the danger is known to others, it is often hidden from the patient. My Lord God! I humbly submit beforehand to all the circumstances Thou hast determined shall attend my death, to all its physical and mental sufferings, to its sudden stroke or lingering approach. Only grant me the grace of being well disposed when it shall arrive. Make known to me, I pray, what sacrifices I must make that I may be well prepared.
POINT III.What shall be my sentiments when death is nigh? Some rejoice at its approach; like St. Paul, they wish to be dissolved and to be with Christ. Many are horrified when it comes, and wish in vain that they could live their lives all over again. Now is the time to prepare, then it will be too late. Many again, even good Christians and religious, would then wish to make some more or less important changes before expiring. Now is the time to make them.
I have seen a novice dying most joyously, with these words on his lips: “I know I am going to Heaven.” I have seen a religious priest, who had led a pious and zealous life, bursting into tears on his deathbed, explaining that he now realized how much more he could have done for God and the good of souls, and how bitterly he regretted his former negligences. And yet he was a model pastor of souls. What shall be my sentiments?
Colloquy with Jesus and Mary, begging earnestly to know now what is still wanting to me, that I may provide in good time; “O Lord! make me know my end—that I may know what is wanting to me!” (Ps. 38).